I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish I only lived at night.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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