i was born a porn star she said
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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