wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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