The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
