As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
