i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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