youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
