Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
