At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
