I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
