you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
