Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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