the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
