apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
