can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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