So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
