I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
