i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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