Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
