ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
