He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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