The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
