Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize