I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
