shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
