he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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