It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
