i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize