I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
