I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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