2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
