I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
