Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
