I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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