Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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