Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
