There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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