dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We are two peas in an std pod
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
