Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
