She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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