Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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