Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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