Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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