All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
