Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
