last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
