There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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