In the future we'll all be gay
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
