The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
