This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize