We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
