quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
