I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
