By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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