We won't sleep together?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
