I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
