If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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