I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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