he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
