Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
