I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
